The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
