dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
