My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
