so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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