STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
