I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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