Already got asked if we're dating
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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