will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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