...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
