i was born a porn star she said
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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