In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
