whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
