They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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