My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
