I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm too high and old for this...
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