I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
