FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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