And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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