i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
