he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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