Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
