I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
