I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
