I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
