so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
did i walk over a car last night?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My life is pants optional.
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