Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
