I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
