If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
