Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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