I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
