I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
