Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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