Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
