Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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