just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
