Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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