I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
