Fuck appropriateness.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
