I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
