i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
