You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
