Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
