I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
