people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
