What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So vagazzling was a success
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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