break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
