You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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