i already hear my dad disowning me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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