im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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