I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we made out on top of his cat.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
