she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
