I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
