That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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